River Bream

As you may know, in my last post I discussed a recent fishing trip in which I ended up with chiggers. I must report that all is well again and chiggers are no longer partying in my pants. 


I have caught so many bream lately I decided to paint a few. In this painting, I placed the bream on top of a river and gave them a shadow to provide depth. The river snakes through the painting in order to provide interest and encourage the viewer to look around. I have caught many bream in this river so I thought it fitting to combine the two elements together. I considered naming the painting "Filled to the Bream" but more inappropriately decided on "River Bream."

I hope you enjoyed these fun little fish and remember: What's in your woods, river, lake or bay? Get up and find out!

The fish stopped biting but the Chiggers didn’t!

Saturday morning at 5:00 am the alarm sounded and I sprang out of bed for a fishing adventure on a small lake near my home. It’s going to be a hot one; current outside temperature was already 75 degrees. I loaded up and headed out to meet Buttermilk at the lake (Buttermilk is my fishing buddy). 


We arrived at the lake, unloaded, and were in our kayaks by 6:00 am. The sun was well below the trees and the water was very calm, no wind except for Buttermilk (hee hee). I love the lake in the early morning when the fog is dancing on top of the water and you hear the occasional slap of a tail fin. 

Early morning fishing was good, I caught a few brim and a smallmouth on a white grub. As the morning progressed and the temperature went up the fish stopped biting. I tried other lures and even worms, but no luck. I decided to get out of my kayak to walk around and fish from the bank. Bad, bad idea! I believe this is where I picked up a few hitchhikers. As you will find out later, this fishing trip has staying power!

Later I met back up with Buttermilk and he had caught a nice 2lb catfish on oats earlier. Around 1:00 pm the heat of the day had settled in and the fish had stopped biting. At this point, we decided to paddle back to the dock and head to the house. 

The next day, I went to my father-in-law 84th birthday party at a Mexican restaurant. Happy Birthday Pop! May you catch many fish!

GUESS WHAT, this was NOT the only party going on. I had a party in my pants, CHIGGERS! I found myself squirming in my seat hoping the Chiggers would take a siesta. I certainly didn’t want to act like I was at a Chiggers Anonymous meeting and announce to everyone -“Hi I’m Larry and I have Chiggers.” I chose to suffer in silence. It amazes me that these little devils can crawl all the way up your leg and dig in to your private parts when it’s nearly a hundred degrees. The wife said I should put fingernail polish on the bites to kill them. Hmmm, No! I’m not putting women polish on; well I think you men understand. 
One could say - “The fish stopped biting but the chiggers didn’t.” I guess the effects of this fishing trip will last few more days! 


Now I’m headed to Atlanta with the family. I’m feeling lucky and who knows, I might get a shot at a trophy BASS in the near future. Remember: What's in your woods, river, lake or bay? Mine has Chiggers!

Early Morning Tracks

What goes on in the early morning when you are a sleep. A walk near a field.

What's in your woods, river, lake or bay? Go find out!

Crack Mystery Solved!

How did my windshield get broken, it wasn't an act of vandalism? THE GREAT MYSTERY has been solved. It wasn't the wife, thank goodness, or the Animal Hooligans. It was me and my fishing buddy. Apparently when trying to slide a ten foot kayak into a ten foot long SUV something must give and it was the windshield. I didn't find the crack until the next morning. 

Kayak learning number 7, kayaks go on top of the SUV. Now I have a windshield to repair.
What's in your Lake, River, Bay, or Woods? Get up and Get Outdoors!

A Crack Mystery

A GREAT MYSTERY has emerged after my last adventure into the great outdoors. On the morning after my great river fishing trip, while removing my Kayak from inside my SUV in order to store it in the boat house (garage), I found a windshield CRACK. To my surprise there were multiple CRACKS right in the corner of the windshield on the passenger’s side. 

Have I discovered a possible act of vandalism? Who or what did this last night while I was all snug in my bed with not a creature stirring, not even my crickets?  Now, I do have enemies and I suppose I should consider them as suspects.


Suspect number one.
Could it have been the wife? Yes, I said wife. At first I thought no way and then I remembered the Earring Tackle Incident where I snuck into her jewelry and nabbed a nice spoon earring. This earring looked so much like a fishing lure that I actually attached a hook and caught fish. Could she still be secretly upset enough to have taken a hammer to my wind shield? You know how women are about jewelry and shoes, very possessive. To get the full story read "I'm one earring short of a full lobe" a must. Find it next to this post in Great stories.

Suspect number two.
There have been other acts of vandalism here in the ten acre woods. Just the other night there was a major disturbance on the back deck where a shelf full of plants was turned over. Broken glass was everywhere and a graffiti message was sprayed on a wall. The prime suspect was a gang leader called Bandit. Now Bandit is not whom you think, so you must read "Animal Hooligans" to get the full story. Again find it next to this post in June of Great stories.

Suspect number three.
I bet it could have been my fishing buddy. I think he could have snuck over last night and cracked my windshield. What was the motive? Very simple, I always catch more and bigger fish than he does and this is a way to get back at me, secretively.

I know this is not at the level of the Casey Anthony case, but it’s still a mystery and I have a cracked windshield that must be repaired. Take a guess, was it the wife, Bandit or my fishing buddy? I am 100% it was one of these suspects and I will report on whom after I gather all of the evidence. Stay tuned.


What's in your Lake, River, Bay, or Woods? Get up and Get Outdoors!

I’m one earring short of a full lobe!!!

That’s a little earring humor that I use on my wife since I've been using her earrings to fish with. If you are new to this post read the Earring Tackle post below first to understand the whole story.

IT ALL STARTED the other day when I could swear my wife was wearing a pair of my spoon fishing lures. At that moment I had an epiphany or I think that is what it was, but it could have been that chilli-burger yesterday. I digress. Anyway, can you catch fish on jewelry? I decided to find out, except I needed jewelry.  Wifey doesn’t like to fish at all, but likes to eat fish. I think this played into my amazing ability to talk her out of her earrings, although it could have been my epiphany and she wanted me out of the house as fast as possible. One treble hook later, I had Earring Tackle.

Fast forward. Here I am, on the river, sitting in my kayak with my fishing pole in hand and earring tackle knotted on my line. The first cast was good, nice weight, easy hitting target, runs about 2 inches below water, and shiny, but very little action. That could be an issue. However, it looks like a fish could confuse it for last months, 13 year cicada with those big orange eyes. Cast 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,…..15 and I’m starting to get a little concerned, 34, 35, 36 and bang, I get a bite. I start to reel and notice that the fish seems to be small but a fighter. I wondered what kind of fish enjoys women’s earrings. Could it be a Largemouth, Smallmouth, Rock Bass or Catfish? Here it is my first fish catch on jewelry tackle.

I have answered the question; you can catch fish on your wife’s jewelry. Now I find myself staring at women and thinking, WOW I wonder what I could catch with those earrings. I have found that you don’t stare too long or the women run off. Did you know that there’s a store called Clarie’s where you can buy 10 earrings for 10 bucks, 20 lures for .50 cents each? Dang, this could be big, imagine Claire’s Earring Tackle Fishing Tournament. I can see it now, the winner of the Earring Tackle Fishing Tournament caught the winning fish, a 9 pound largemouth, on a pair of his wife’s danglers.

In closing I would like to say-- Hi, I’m Osprey and I like women’s jewelry, to fish with. Sometimes it’s good to be one earring short of a full lobe. I hope you enjoyed the humor! Remember: What’s in your lake, river, bay or woods? Get away from the big screen and get on a big stream!     

Earring Tackle

The other day I could swear my wife was wearing a pair of my spoon fishing lures. Surely she got in to my tackle box and started admiring all of my shiny and colorful lures and selected a few for her personal use. Come to find out I was wrong and they were her earrings. This got me to thinking about how much women’s earrings resemble fishing lures. In fact, I think some of my wife’s earrings could be hanging in Bass Pro if only they had a treble hook. Ah, you don’t think the earring manufactures have infiltrated the lure industry and are now making lures do you? If this is true, I’m not sure who will be more embarrassed, me who would be fishing with women’s jewelry or her wearing fishing tackle. Wait a minute, I could save lots of money because she would wear it for a while and then I could fish with it, cool, dual purpose and environmentally friendly. I think I just invented a new product, Earring Tackle. Think about what a great Birthday gift it would be. You just drop by Bass Pro, go to the Earring Tackle, pick out that perfect earring lure, have it wrapped, and present it to her on her birthday. I bet she would say" Holy Crappie" and would love it. Later as she grows tired of it, you will end up with a new lure and you might be able to say "Hey Babe, I caught a 3 lb. Crappie with your birthday present." How bout dat?

To make a short story long, I decided that I had to test this earring tackle concept to determine if fish can actually be caught on jewelry. But first I needed jewelry. I snuck in to my wife’s jewelry box to see what I might find. Wow, a jewelry box and a tackle box are nearly the same. Who said men are from mars and women are from Venus. Anyway, I noticed that nice spoon I spoke about earlier that I have been eyeing. I wondered, will she allow me to add a treble hook? You never know until you ask, right? I realized that trying to talk her out of her spoon earrings would be like trying to talk me out of my rooster tail, no way. Surprise, Surprise, she allowed me to take her spoon jewelry and turn it into Earring Tackle. Here's a photo of my future tackle just need a treble hook. Not bad, eh.

My next step is to fish with it. Stay tuned for a future report on fishing with Earring Tackle.

Remember: What’s in your lake, river, bay or woods? Get out and find out!

Animal Hooligans

A major event occurred the other day in the Ten Acre Woods, Vandalism! It all happened on the night of June 26^th after mid-night. On the deck, a multi-layer shelf full of plants and flowers was toppled over. All sorts of plants, ivy, flowers, vases and pots came crashing down. Broken glass and soil was tossed all over the deck; plants were lying out of their containers with roots exposed. In addition, other plants were purposely pull down from there shelf. It looks like animal vandalism has hit the ten acre woods.

WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS! 
An investigation is underway and many animals of interest have already been identified. More evidence was discovered after a search of the site. Graffiti was found along the wall near the crime. The perpetrator left this message. It’s obvious that the graffiti was generated by an amateur. 

The message is basically an extortion for food. Here is a picture of the top animal of interest. Note the black mask around the eyes.

Be on the lookout for this animal of interest and remember, what's in your river, lake, woods, or bay? Get out and find out!